


Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

by coloursflyaway



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 21:58:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10228382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coloursflyaway/pseuds/coloursflyaway
Summary: It's late and Todd finds Dirk sitting on the stairs in front of the Ridgely; there's music and confessions, and maybe, a kiss.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I watched History Boys and then spent two hours writing, because I was forcibly reminded that I really, really like this song.
> 
> For everyone who doesn't know the video of Samuel singing, try this link:  
> [X](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4F9kP2iwnQ)

He finds Dirk outside.  
It’s a cool night and yet the other isn’t wearing a jacket, just a tattered, grey hoodie wrapped around slim shoulders, the light of the streetlights making his hair gleam copper and mahogany. He’s not shaking, and yet Todd would think it fitting.

There is no reason Todd is here, unless Dirk is rubbing off on him and he gets hunches now too, which make him wake up in the middle of a Sunday night, the remnants of a dream clinging to his lashes as he blinks himself conscious, disappearing with every passing moment. By now, after he has spent long minutes rapping knuckles on Dirk’s door, finally given up and then found the other sitting on the steps leading to the Ridgely, Todd cannot remember much of it, just the phantom of a touch, something that feels like another body’s heat.

Perhaps, he muses as he slowly walks down closer, there were stars in his dream too, far away and yet so bright, because they feel more familiar to him now as he looks up at the clear night sky than they did the night before.

Dirk doesn’t turn around, although Todd knows that he’s not being quiet, doesn’t even budge when Todd falls down next to him, a sudden lack of strength making anything more graceful impossible.  
He looks pale in this light, lips a fainter pink than Todd is used to, his cheekbones painting shadows across the canvass of his skin while his eyes sparkle like Todd imagines the Indian ocean to look when the sun has long since set; it’s not the Dirk he is used to, not the sunny, bright version with a smile pulling his mouth wide, colourful clothes telling the world everything about him even before he has said a word.  
It’s the Dirk he has met at the back of an almost-stolen truck, the forest around them whispering and telling secrets, a man who isn’t lost anymore but still hasn’t quite found his way. Forlorn and melancholic, enchanting in a completely different way; Todd wants to reach out and find out how his fingers would feel against his own, if they’d be cool or warm, calloused or soft.

The desire is hardly new, so Todd herds it back and swallows it down, pretends to forget about it, although he knows it isn’t going anywhere at all.

“Aren’t you cold?”, he asks, just to give his lips something to do, something to say he can dictate still, but Dirk doesn’t turn and doesn’t reply, just blinks, long, golden eyelashes momentarily brushing over porcelain skin.  
“I have this melody stuck in my head”, he says instead, something Todd didn’t ask to know and yet prefers to an answer to his question. “It won’t leave. I’ve never heard it before, at least I don’t think so, and yet it’s there. Not clear, never clear, like I have my head under water and someone is playing piano in the next room. Like it’s drifting to me from another universe. It won’t let me sleep.”

His voice is soft, and yet sounds like a tune of its own, his accent crisp and clear as always, making Todd wonder how this continent and its people sound to Dirk’s ears.  
“Could that happen? The drifting, I mean”, he asks, because that’s what is expected from a best friend, an assistant; a conversation and not tracing the contours of Dirk’s lips with his eyes, getting lost in the timbre of his voice. Faintly, Todd wonders when this happened, because he can’t remember; what he remembers is being annoyed, then amused, then endeared, then in love; states of being, never transitions.   
But they have had more than a year together, which feels like more than a life sometimes, and for Todd, have started a new calculation of times: before Dirk, and after.

“I don’t know”, the other answers, and Todd wants to know what he is looking at and why it’s more interesting than looking back at him. “Possibly. Probably. I’ve never been good with keeping track of universes, there are just too many of them.”  
To this, at least, Todd can relate, because he seems to have lost his ability to keep track of anything at all these past months.

“What melody is it?”, he asks, watches Dirk’s fingers twitch against his knees, drawing patterns across maroon fabric. “If it’s something from this universe, I might know it.”  
The thought seems to surprise Dirk, because his brow furrows, his plush lips turn downwards for just a second.  
“I didn’t consider that”, he admits after it has passed, something that happens seldom; Todd spends a long moment wanting to kiss him. “I thought it was just mine. But I suppose you’re right, perhaps you do.”

He should be used to it, and yet Todd startles when Dirk turns around, blue eyes resting on him with the intensity they always seem to hold, only that it is muted somehow, thoughtful and serious instead of bright and enthusiastic.  
With the street lights only illuminating one side of Dirk’s face, the other looks almost ethereal, moonlight making the tips of his eyelashes gleam silver.

And then he hums a note, low and sweet, and maybe Dirk hasn’t the best voice Todd has ever heard, but it’s warm and melancholic right now, grows stronger and more confident as he continues, adding note after note, letting them weave into a tune. At first an unfamiliar one, but then Todd remembers the taste of burnt caramel, the scent of lavender and the clanking of fine china, there is a house conjured up in his mind, and he only realises that he is smiling when Dirk stops, looking at him confused. 

“ _Couldn't sleep and wouldn't sleep_ ”, Todd sings softly, picks up where Dirk left off and only finds the words a second too late; it’s been so long. “ _When love came and told me, I shouldn't sleep, bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I…”_  
Years must have passed since he last heard the tune, played from an old record, Doris Day’s voice competing with the crackling of the speakers. Back when he was a teenager, it had been their neighbour’s favourite song, who’d play it at least a dozen times a day.  
Mrs. Kaufmann, an old lady, had made them overly sweet caramels, which always had tasted vaguely burnt, and told them about her late husband over tea, who had swept her off her feet in his army uniform in a Viennese bar back when she was a girl, asking for their very first dance.  
She had followed him to the US, but never quite lost the foreign lilt to her voice.

“It’s an old song”, Todd finally says, because Dirk still looks at him with puzzled wonder shining from his eyes. “When I was a kid, our neighbour would play it. There’s a hundred versions by now, I think, maybe you heard one of them around somewhere.”  
It’s the far more logical explanation and yet that doesn’t make it the right one, Todd knows that by now. Dirk seems to consider it at least, but then shakes his head, soft strands of hair falling into his eyes.  
“It’s different”, is the only explanation he offers, but for Todd, it’s enough. “Can you sing it again?”

He’s looking at him, almost like he did when they first met, Todd angry and Dirk taking his hand, watching him and trying to figure him out. An assistant, he had proclaimed back then; now, he stays silent, and Todd takes a deep breath, and starts again.

“ _Couldn't sleep and wouldn't sleep, when love came and told me, I shouldn't sleep_ -” The words come easier now, like his lips are remembering which way to move, and Dirk is watching him, and still doesn’t seem to have solved his puzzle. “ _Bewitched, bothered and bewildered, am I…  I lost my heart, but what of it, he is cold I agree… he might laugh, but I love it, although the laugh's on me-_ “

And it’s true, Todd realises as he holds the note for a second too long, startled, even if Dirk isn’t cold, even if he wouldn’t laugh; the rest rings true, painfully so. He quirks a smile, because it’s a thing he can do, even while he continues.  
“ _I'll sing to him, bring spring to him, and long, for the day when I'll cling to him… bewitched, bothered and bewildered, am I-_ “

There is more, and Todd is almost certain he knows at least half the lyrics, but it seems enough for now, so he lets his voice fade, looks at Dirk and sees him like he always does, finds that realisation don’t change a thing.  
“And, ring a bell?”, he asks, and Dirk smiles, although there is an edge to the turn of his lips that Todd is not familiar with, something like exhaustion darkening his eyes.  
“Yes. And no. It’s complicated”, Dirk answers and doesn’t make any sense at all; he seems to notice it too, because his brow furrows, his fingers twitch again. “I don’t think I have ever heard it before, still, but a bell is ringing, because I – because the universe is hardly subtle and sometimes, well.”  
He pauses, seeming to think that he has given an answer when Todd is more confused than before. It must show on his face, because Dirk notices, tilts his head, and it must be the golden glow of the streetlight that paints a faint blush on his cheeks.

“It’s a taunt, you see”, Dirk tries to explain and fails, looking down at his fingers pulling at the fabric of his pants. “Sending me the song, and sending you here and letting you sing… I have mentioned it before, I think, the universe and I are far away from being friends.”  
He says it like it should make sense, and maybe it does to some part of Todd, some small, inconsequential bunch of neurons which cause his heart to clench and then expand abruptly, a peculiar feeling.  
“I have no idea what you are talking about”, he tells Dirk, his voice sounding hoarse for no reason, his heart deciding to pick up its pace when Dirk looks up at him again through gold- and silver-tipped eyelashes. This, at least, Todd understands.

“You, of course”, Dirk says, causes Todd’s heart to somersault, to stop.  
It’s the strangest sensation, because something is happening, Todd knows it, feels his heart beating faster than it has any right to, his throat seizing up, his palms starting to sweat, and yet his brain refuses to register what it is.  
He blinks once, twice, takes in the soft, bittersweet curve of Dirk’s lips, the warmth of his eyes, then asks, “What?”

It catches Dirk off guard, quite obviously so, because he tilts his head, as if he is unsure if Todd is messing with him or really doesn’t understand, face for a second entirely unreadable.  
“You”, he repeats, then mercifully adds, “It’s about you, of course. _Bewitched, bothered and bewildered, am I…  I lost my heart, but what of it, he is cold I agree…_ who else could it be about? Unless, of course, you just pretend to not know because it makes it easier for you, in that case, it’s about an entirely unspecified person I’ve fallen madly in love with.”  
Dirk says it like it’s a fact, a statement as interesting and newsworthy as talk about the weather, like Todd should have known all along, even before he came down here and saw Dirk sitting on the steps. Like the words do not pull the floor from underneath Todd’s feet, make him feel like he’s falling and floating at the same time, like gravity suddenly doesn’t quite apply to him anymore.

“Madly in love?”, he repeats, and now that his brain is catching up with the rest of his body, the blush on Dirk’s cheeks suddenly looks darker, his lips softer, his eyes not dim with exhaustion, but resignation.  
“Infatuated, if you’d prefer.”  
“I don’t think I do.”

The words have slipped past his lips before Todd has realised it, change something in Dirk’s expression, although he doesn’t know if for better, or for worse. He looks as confused as Todd still feels, but his eyes seem a little bit brighter.  
“What?”  
He could kiss Dirk, Todd realises, he could close the distance between them and kiss the uncertainty right off the other’s lips, but he doesn’t, hardly moves at all.  
“I wouldn’t prefer it. I quite like _madly in love_. Has a nice ring to it. Sounds more like something I would say.”

Todd tries a smile, and there is realisation slowly brightening Dirk’s expression, a sun rising after a long, cold night, and Todd can’t resist, reaches out and takes Dirk’s long-fingered hand, finds that it is cool, but no callouses catch against his own skin.  
Dirk’s fingers curl, squeezing softly, and his eyes are full of beatific awe; he blinks twice and Todd wonders if it’s the other trying to make sure this is not a dream.

“Would it… be something you could imagine yourself saying?”, Dirk asks slowly, like every word has to be pronounced carefully, his gaze flickering down to their joined hands for a split second.  
“I think I’ll stick to _head over heels_ , or something of the sort, but generally, yes. Definitely.”  
It feels strange to say it out-loud, even if such a roundabout way; a secret, the last one, he has carried for months now finally out in the open, his heart laid bare for Dirk to crush or keep.  
“That’s… good. Yes. Very good.”

Dirk sounds tentative, almost shy, which is strange and yet endearing; Todd grips his hand a little bit tighter.  
There are no words he can think of saying, but the fingers he has pressed against the back of Dirk’s hand are tingling, and although this much contact is something he would have considered bliss just an hour ago, he can’t help but want more still. And Dirk is right there, looking at him with wide, trusting eyes, and Todd has never been strong enough.

The kiss is gentle, because it couldn’t be anything else, Dirk’s lips soft against his, parting to let out a surprised gasp, his fingers fluttering against Todd’s as he licks the last hints of hesitation right out of Dirk’s mouth, tasting a hint of peppermint and citrus.

There is nothing of the former paleness left on Dirk’s face when he pulls back, but the other man’s eyes are still closed, like he isn’t quite ready to face the world yet, and Todd can’t help himself, steals another kiss, longer this time, even if still careful, loving, tender.

“The music stops”, Dirk suddenly breathes out, but cups Todd’s cheek with his free hand so he won’t pull away. “When we kiss.”  
“Is that good?”, Todd asks, half the syllables lost in between brushing lips and Dirk’s tongue darting out to taste.  
“I don’t know, but we could go inside and find out”, Dirk answers, and even like this, voice almost lost in between their mouths, he sounds happy, playful.  
His fingernails scrape across Todd’s scalp and make him shiver, melt a little bit against the other as he kisses his _yes_ onto Dirk’s lips.

 

**Author's Note:**

> In case you want to say hi, send me a prompt, or tell me something nice, you can find me on Tumblr here:  
> [X](http://www.coloursflyaway.tumblr.com)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Underwater Piano](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14956901) by [DeiUta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeiUta/pseuds/DeiUta)




End file.
